Why I would probably jump off a cliff if my friends did.

Sometimes I do things because my friends are doing those things. I’m not sure why people find this to be such an awful idea. The saying, “would you jump off a cliff if all of your friends were?” makes no sense to me. Of course I would. If my friends were jumping off cliffs there’s probably a giant trampoline at the bottom. Or we have jet packs. Some of my friends are pretty smart. Who the heck are your friends? Bella Swan? Don’t follow her off a cliff. Self-endangerment is not the best method to attract men/women/the undead*. I’d sooner advise using Snooki as a role model and dress like a slut.

            Some examples of stuff I do because my friends do: make pasta, go out to eat, bowl, finish my homework, watch Pretty Little Liars, or read stuff they like on Facebook. None of these are bad things. I’m concerned about people’s ability to wisely pick friends. If you don’t like the things your friends do, maybe you should get some new friends. I hear Facebook is a great place to find them. Feel free to add me as a friend, though I don’t promise to be a good influence.

Best of luck,


*Upon reflection, self endangerment may be a great way to attract the undead. Like slit your throat and vampires would probably flock to you. This is still a bad plan because most vampires aren’t hot. Edward is not attractive. You’re confused by the media. Google Paul Walker, Brad Pitt, or Shemar Moore. You’re welcome. 


Why I wouldn’t date a muffin.

     I was at a party the other day and one of my friends said, “I’m just too nice of a guy.” Apparently this explained his lack of girlfriend and dating prospects. This led to the “why do nice guys finish last” conversation. I didn’t chime in then, but after giving it some thought I’ve reached a conclusion. It’s because no one likes cupcakes without frosting, but simply being a cupcake isn’t enough. There are plenty of cupcakes in the sea or I guess pantry…

What do I mean? Being nice is not a bonus. It is not like answering an extra credit question correctly. It does not earn your brownie points (okay, I might be a bit hungry while writing this post). Boys get really excited about being nice. Like it makes them the greatest person ever and you should immediately get all hot and bothered. Yeah, it doesn’t work that way.

Let’s say boys are cupcakes (just go with it). The quality of niceness is frosting. I expect some damn frosting on my cupcake. Or else it’s a muffin. I don’t want to date a muffin. Very few people want to date muffins unless they have unresolved Daddy issues or whatever other problems. Being nice is not sprinkles on said cupcake. Sprinkles are unexpected traits like a good sense of humor, super smoking abs, or intelligence. Stop advertising being nice as if it’s your gift to humanity. Being nice isn’t akin to being attractive. It is a vital part of being a decent human being.

Think about it. Your family is probably nice to you, but please don’t start dating them. Hopefully you’re friends are kind to you, but this doesn’t make them ideal date material either. As Napolean Dynamite would tell you, “girls like guys with skills.” (I keep using the girl to guy thing because I personally like guys, but I think this applies to any relationship). Having nice guys as your only selling point is kind of like using “hey, I’ve got a penis” as a pick up line. This won’t work that often. At least not when a date/relationship is the objective. All of the other cupcakes in the pantry have a penis too.  So continue being nice, but learn some skills. The Internet is full of how to articles ad videos. Do you even know how to make cupcakes? You should probably learn. Also, share some with me.

Best of Luck,


No I will not inbox you a number…unless the world is ending

I’m not going to hate on Valentine’s Day. I’m pretty indifferent to its existence. The dumb posts on Facebook asking friends to inbox you a number on the other hand are super annoying. It makes me want to create a punch enhancement to the poke feature. If you’re going to request I inbox you, it should be about something important. If I liked you, I’d hit on you in person. Or poke you like a normal human being. If you’re too shy to message me without the excuse of Valentine’s Day posts, you should probably man up. Instead of posting this:

Valentine’s Day

So considering valentines day is coming. Post this as your status & see what number people inbox you, 🙂
1- second chance </3
2- your cute :]
3- kiss :*
4- better friendship :]
… … 5- chill , ♥
6- cuddle :xx
7- long term relationship ♥
8- an apology :/
9- a hug :3 ♥
10- I like you ! :-[
11- I’m crushing on you ♥
12- I dislike you
13- I love you :]
14- will you be my Valentine ? ♥



Which contains a bunch of lame options. Where’s “I’ll make out with you if nothing good is on TV” and “I’ll Facebook creep on you for the rest of my life.” What kind of relationships do these people have? I support posting something like this.


Considering the world may come to an end. Post this as you status and see who to hang out with before meeting your doom. Inbox me, and then post this as your status or killer baby clowns will eat you.

  1. I’d trip you if zombies were chasing us.
  2. I’d endanger you’re life for a Twinkie or a trip to the amusement park if zombies were chasing us. (Yes, this is a Zombieland reference.)
  3. I think vampires are sexy and would be no use if they started taking over the world.
  4. I know Doctor Who and could save you if some sort of alien attack occurs.
  5. I’m a huge nerd. Maybe you haven’t looked at me before, but once robots start taking over I’ll use my gigantic brain to save your life.
  6. I live in a bubble and will share said bubble with you in the case of a deadly plague.
  7. I own one of those really expensive underground bunkers.
  8. I suppose I’d sleep with you if we were the last two people on Earth and it was the only way to save the human race, but I’d probably keep my eyes closed.
  9. I’ll use the end of the world as a great excuse to try and get laid. Have I told you how hot you are?
  10.  I’m a huge redneck and will use my many illegally purchased weapons to protect you.
  11. I’m saintly. So I’ll put in a good word for your soul when the Apocalypse comes.
  12. I realize the Mayan calendar panic is ridiculous, but hey, want to go out on Valentine’s Day?

Best of luck!



What’s this you ask.

This is my blog. College is a fabulous places where I meet many wonderful people and completely disagree with a great deal of their opinions. In order to have friends and be nice I try not to shove my opinions into someone’s ear in the hopes of reaching a brain. However, I’m not making anyone read this blog. So here I feel free to rub my opinion in faces. Insert disclaimer about how these are my opinions; they are not necessarily correct, logical, or even subject to the laws of physics. I need to rant upon the world. Not always about important things. That’s not the point.

Here’s some things I may rant about:

Free the dang leash children. Do not put your children on a leash. That’s awful. Don’t do it. I may run around Disney Worlds with scissors some day (yeah that’s right, I’m cool, I run with scissors) and free all children in sight.

Kettle corn and popcorn are not the same thing. Stop lying to me and telling me you have popcorn then feeding me kettle corn (yes China I’m talking to you).

Bella Swan in no way resembles a positive role model. Buffy the Vampire Slayer had better morals and a hotter boyfriend.

Also, you know what sucks? Hunger, slavery, and classes that start before 9 a.m. Someone needs to fix these things, but first people need to care.

Basically this is part of my caring. I care about this world enough to tell it about all of it’s problems. It’s like how my mom used to point out my outfit didn’t match in the morning. Super annoying, but thank goodness someone told me I look ridiculous.

My Feet aren’t that Hairy or a Comprehensive Argument against my being a Hobbit

First of all, The Hobbit starts with “In a hole in the ground there lived in a Hobbit.” My story would start “in a little box on the fourth floor of a dormitory lived a human.” Though some Hobbit homes sound lovely, I have no desire to permanently abide in a hole in the ground. Okay, maybe I’m a progressive hobbit like those in Bree or across the river or even more forward thinking like those Hobbits who settled in Rohan or Gondor. Mere locale cannot prove my lack of Hobbit blood so let’s examine Hobbits’ physical features.

Height is one of the most distinctive Hobbit features. According to the all-knowing Wikipedia, Hobbits are between two and four feet tall. Yes I’m short, but not that short. Just because the whole world has a problem with being freakishly tall doesn’t mean my five foot one height makes me a hobbit. I’m merely a short human in a world full of Ents. I do have a few other Hobbit like traits that deserve acknowledgement. Yes, I would love six meals a day and I despise wearing shoes. Girl shoes are pretty, but not always very comfortable. I could even get down with giving other people presents for my birthday.

My only real issue with being a Hobbit (okay, the hairy feet thing bothers me a tiny bit too) is not coming of age until 33. I’m 20. I did the whole yay I’m sixteen and have my license along with the great I’m eighteen and can buy cigarettes and porn (can being the operative word). Next year I fully intend to celebrate my twenty-first birthday by being free of most age restricting laws (I can’t rent a car in lots of places, but I suck at driving so that’s understandable).

I’m not a Hobbit. I’ll send you pictures of my average looking feet and astound five foot one vertical accomplishment if necessary. I do however adore Hobbits. I even have a Hobbit plushie that I received as a birthday present. We look nothing alike, but we’re great friends nonetheless.

*Also I fully encourage the reading of Tolkien’s The Hobbit before the movie comes out (December 14, 2012).