You’re not in the friend zone. I just don’t like you.

            In an older postImage I addressed the “nice guy” issue. Now I want to address the “friend zone” issue. If one more person whines about being in the friend zone on Facebook I will defriend said person and hopefully remove some of this stressful friend being from his or her life. The main difference between a friend and a significant other is that a lot more germs are exchanged with a significant other. So presumably the difference between being a friend and being in the friend zone is that one person desires the exchanging of germs and the other person does not.

            Exchanging of germs has little to do with friendship. That is an entirely different issue. No one sorts their acquaintances into people to swap spit with and those in the friend zone. This is a lot like how nice guys want to be liked for being a nice guy. Being my friend doesn’t automatically mean I should date you if I found myself single. What’s the difference between the rejected person who is a friend and the one who isn’t? Isn’t it better to be a friend? At least someone wants to spend time with the “friend zone” person. I refuse to pity you. Friendship is not a carnival game; you don’t win tickets and then get a prize.

            I had a friend in high school that didn’t seem to understand this distinction. My friend Dan (this is a fake name, I chose it specifically because I don’t have any friends named Dan) tried to kiss me one time when we were hanging out. I politely declined. A week or so ago I had made out with some boy at a party. Dan legitimately argued that we were friends so why would I make out with this other guy and not him. Call me crazy, but friendship does not entitle you to anything. That’s not how it works.

            It’s not like girl scouts where you collect badges and then get to cross from friend to lover. People act like friendship is a waiting list for someone to date. I get how society sometimes gives that impression. Especially on TV shows where the few main characters simply swap romantic partners every season or so (like Gossip Girl). However it’s wrong. Being someone’s friend and swapping germs are different. They can coexist but they survive perfectly well on their own.

            You are not being friend zoned. You are a friend and you are being rejected. It has nothing to do with being the person’s friend and everything with not being someone that person wants to date/kiss/whatever it is you want. Sorry. Sucks for you. Go eat some chocolate and get over it. Stop telling me that girls are friend zoning everyone and missing the nice guys. It is not someone’s fault when they find you appealing as a friend and not in other ways. I’m sure someone out there would love your germs. Go find that person and stop creeping on your friend. Kay, thanks.

Best Wishes,

Caitlin

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2 thoughts on “You’re not in the friend zone. I just don’t like you.

  1. F. A. Vorut says:

    While I agree with you that the guy was totally out of line for trying to get a random make-out sesh, using that specific argument as his platform, I think you leave out a very important facet of this argument.

    Girls know how to compartmentalize these things into friendships and relationships. Men don’t. And while this is all hunky-dory, the problem is that many (read: most) women simply do not choose to inform their male friends about this particular selection into one category or the other.

    This then immediately goes from a quality friendship to leading on. And that isn’t fair to either party. It makes the female look bad and the guy gets taken advantage of. (This situation is also true even if the roles are reversed.)

    Still, I question your logic concerning the issue of “being rejected versus being friend zoned,” and how one the latter is apparently better than the former. I would beg to differ. Rejecting someone who has an obvious romantic interest is both much more honest and much more healthy to your friendship: 1) you find who [in your case] your real guy friends are and 2) you prevent any feelings from being hurt, and you help your own cause by MAKING IT SO THE FRIEND ZONE NO LONGER EXISTS.

    Anyway, while I agree that men (and women) need to stop using the Friend Zone as a crutch to either gain sympathy from equally sorry people and/or playing the “unloved nice guy” card, you’ve gone all in on telling the reader that there isn’t a Friend Zone, and then proceed to define the term precisely in the first two sentences of your last paragraph. Your problem here is not that you are rejecting someone, but that you obviously have not made it clear that he is not date-able in your eyes.

    TL;DR: You can’t have your cake and eat it too.

    Love your work, as always.

    –Forever Alone

    P.S. if my text argument didn’t make any sense, which is reasonable, I hope this video from the good people at Know Your Meme will help:

    • Haha, great video. Valid cake point. Though it’s sad that cake can’t be had and eaten too. (I don’t mean that in the metaphoric way, but in a cake is yummy way). I guess what it really come down to is communication and how though we all do it constantly we also pretty consistently suck at communicating.

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