The awkwardness of classifying relationships

            It’s easy to introduce people as a friend, significant other, family member, or spouse. What about the many other forms of human relationships? I can’t be the only person who sometimes gets stumped trying to classify a relationship. It’s often a tricky matter and an awkward one. Who actually enjoys the “what are we” talk? Not me. There aren’t enough options. Relationships (I don’t just mean in the romantic sense) are complicated. I don’t know you’re life and can’t classify relationships for you, but I’ve compiled a list of possible relationship classifications to give us all more options. 

  • Fellow Humans <-this works in case of all fellow humans
  • Acquaintances <-someone you’ve met before (possibly a few times)
  • Hobby In Commoners <-someone you have some sort of hobby (I’m including books and movies in this) in common with and thus share a bond and possibly dialect
  • Co-workers <-someone with whom you share an employer and commiserate the misery of having employment
  • Fraternity/Sorority Brothers/Sisters <-someone with whom you did strange rituals, spent lots of time, and probably sing chants
  • Facebook Friends <-someone you’re friends with on Facebook
  • Internet Friends <-someone you talk to on the internet but not in real life
  • Friends <-someone whose life you are at least mildly interested in and whose company doesn’t make you hate the human race
  • Substance Friends <-someone you like while under the influence of a substance or for the purpose of obtaining a substance
  • Major Friends <-someone you talk to a lot because you’re in a bunch of classes together and need to complain about these classes or study for them (though complaining is probably more likely)
  • Skill Friends <-someone you’re friends with because they have a skill you like/want/need such as cooking or juggling bears
  • Twitter Friends <-someone you like enough to hear about minute details of his or her life in a limited amount of characters
  • Bros <-someone with whom you chill in a manly manner
  • Hos <-someone with whom you chill in a feminine manner
  • Best Friends <-someone you like without pretending and can be sarcastically mean to, usually a relationship full of inside jokes 
  • Super Friends <-someone you are friends with while wearing a cape
  • Friends with Benefits <-someone who you are friendly with and obtain benefits from of some sort (usually the semi-scandalous sort but other sorts of benefits exist too)
  • Test Run Friends<-someone you have the intention of dating but are currently still testing them out
  • Boy/Girl Toy <-someone who is fun to play with (hence the word toy)
  • Fuck Buddies <-someone who is a buddy with whom you fuck
  • Significant Others <-someone who you’ve agreed to be together alone with
  • Spouse <-someone you’re pledged to for life (with or without a piece of paper that says so)
  • Family <-someone you share bloodlines with not by choice but you love them anyways
  • Super Human Friends <-someone who used to be human such as a werewolf, vampire, or zombie who you’re still friends with despite supernatural maladies

Hopefully this helps define your relationships. Often relationships fall into multiple categories. Feel free to comment with additional classifications.

Best of Luck,

Caitlin

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