Understand me…please!

          The other day I was suffering from young adult angst because other people couldn’t read my mind. I know I should use my big kid words and express myself, but if you truly care about me you should understand my every whim! Right? That’s not needy or insane. Is it needy and insane? Why aren’t you sensing my need for self-validation?

            I’m really not that needy, I promise. Yet, society often perpetuates this myth that the people who care about us should always know how we’re feeling. It’s all about connection. We just skip the parts about how to accomplish this connection. I think the best way would be telepathy. If other people could read my mind life would be so much easier. No more walking behind slow people because they’d hear the many ways in which I’m planning their death in my head and start walking faster. Just kidding…

            Mind reading would work like this. Why yes, I put a period at the end of that text message to convey my inner angst that you didn’t notice how great my hair looks today. Also, my hair looks effing great today. Notice it! Then my exceptional good hair day would be noticed and complemented which would result in inner happiness and a state of Zen. Plus dentists and wait staff would stop talking to me when my mouth is full. No I didn’t spend three minutes trying to think of a term for waiters and waitresses that was gender neutral. Stop reading my mind. Stop it!

            I don’t really want you to read my mind. My mind is a crazy place. Here’s an example. I know that you’re telling me really important personal information but I can’t stop thinking about cucumbers. I’m hungry and I love cucumbers. Plus my new shampoo smells like cucumbers. Then I have to think about sex because cucumbers and showers are kind of sexy. Now I’m thinking about alien sex and do aliens have green penises because that would be a lot like a cucumber. Aliens aren’t very sexy. Except for Dr. Who. He’s sexy, I would definitely sleep with him. I should go watch some Dr. Who. See the craziness? Good thing no one reads my mind.

            I take it back. Mind reading would suck. People should start telling people how they feel. It’d eliminate a lot of misunderstanding. I’m tired of people being mad at me for stuff I don’t even know upsets them. I’ll stop expecting other people to read my mind if other people stop expecting me to read theirs. Or we can all wear mood rings. Those are still cool right?

Best of luck,




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