Terrible and Disturbing Things are in this Post

If you decided to read this article after looking at the title then we probably suffer from a similar condition. The layman’s term for this condition is curiosity. Curiosity is very dangerous. I have it on good authority that curiosity is wanted on murder charges.

You deserve this terrible pun for reading my article despite the warning in the title. I didn’t create this image I believe it’s from this blog http://sillikat.tumblr.com/.

So far curiosity hasn’t murdered me, but it certainly causes me problems. Curiosity first became troubling in elementary school. Kids have especially cruel techniques for picking on each other and one of the most common is when a whole group is laughing about some inside joke and won’t share. Being the curious child I was, I always wanted to know. I never seemed to believe people if they told me I didn’t want to know something. Sometimes I should have. Other kids definitely told me things I wasn’t ready to know. Friend’s with older siblings seem to know the most. It was a bit traumatizing when I learned Santa wasn’t real and even more traumatizing when I learned what Shaggy was denying in “It Wasn’t Me.” I sang that song for weeks!

I wish I could ask my younger self what I thought this meant.

My issues with curiosity only worsened as I gained internet access. The internet is full of information I wish I didn’t know. Watching videos of the food industry turned me into a vegetarian (there are other factors, but that definitely played a large role). Just yesterday I clicked on an article about the worst ways people are executed. Why would I need to know this information? I don’t know. Still, I read it and it was gross. Ridiculously gross. You’re probably thinking how gross can it be. You’re thinking that because you have a problem. I’m an enabler so I’ll let you read it for yourself.

My relationship with curiosity isn’t solely mental abuse. There has been physical pain. My tongue suffers from curiosity and often thinks, “I wonder how hot this food or drink item I just heated up and made hot actually is.” Then I burn it. A burnt tongue is a miserable experience. Most of the time I don’t even register my tongue’s existence, but it sure is annoying when it’s in pain. I also may have jumped off a jungle gym with an umbrella because I was curios if I would float. I’m not admitting to doing that, but if I had it definitely hurt a lot.

Anyone an all knowing internet doctor with a cure for this awful disease? Right now I’m treating my case of curiosity with college, but that doesn’t seem to be helping.

Best Wishes,

Caitlin

No Shame November vs. No Shave November

There’s a very controversial time quickly approaching. Beware the month of November or as it’s more colloquially known “No Shave November.”

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Honestly, I’m not ready for Winter or No Shave November.

Almost as importantly it’s election month (get informed and vote) and even more importantly the month of my birthday specifically of the 21st variety (it’s November 5th and I do enjoy presents). Anyways, I digress. Let’s address the issue of proper ways to celebrate November. I would like to propose instead of No Shave November which I don’t find particularly enjoyable that we all embrace No Shame November. I’m not suggesting complete anarchy. Shame is a symptom of a violation of cultural or social value. Boring. Let’s all push some cultural and social values. Personal values will still exist because that’s covered by guilt which is a violation of one’s own personal values. This is simply No Shame month. What would you do with out feeling judged by cultural and social values? Here’s what I imagine why life to look like in two possible future November scenarios.

No Shave November

Yays:

No shaving! This means less time in the shower. Hooray an extra five minutes of sleep.

Nays:

No shaving! Stubbly leg hair is itchy and gross. Maybe if it’d magically transform into long leg hair it’d be tolerable but that isn’t what happens. As a girl only I would know if I didn’t shave but men inflict it on everyone. I have to look at all of the guys who shouldn’t have facial hair trying to have facial hair. It’s often sad and embarrassing. Reminiscent of the bra stuffing faze a lot of girls go through in middle school, but worse because men are old enough to know better. Once you reach your twenties your boob and facial hair situations are set in stone. Don’t kid yourself. I know it’s one month but those pictures will go on the internet and live forever!

And this:

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Who makes this face when smelling an armpit? I’m not sure I’d be okay with this but maybe I’m just unenlightened.

No Shame November

Yays:

Sweet Freedom from Shame! I could wear mismatching socks and admit my inability to drive places and my love of Dollar Tree dinners. The Dollar Tree is a classy place. Society be damned, I shall do as I please!

This includes singing off tune to Christmas carols. Possibly while wearing a Santa hat. In a world of no shame life can be a giant post secret event. I love nerdy things. Walker Texas Ranger was my childhood hero. I once tried meditation in the hopes of transforming into a Saiyan. Cartoon characters are physically attractive. I would definitely date Aladdin (or Genie). We could stop being politically correct. I feel that a lot of very conservative men are afraid of my vagina and it hurts my feelings. So there. Think how interesting conversation would be if we didn’t filter ourselves so much. It’d be great. Or there’d be a lot more fistfights. I’m not sure. Let’s conduct a giant social experiment and find out.

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No one likes the cone of shame. Yes, I’m shamelessly using a sad animal to make my point. Look into his sad dog eyes.

Nays:

Potentially harmful side effects of shameless honesty like loss of friends or future self loathing.

Whatever you decide to do with your November I hope it’s a grand one.

Best of Luck,

Caitlin