How To Answer “What Are You Doing After Graduation?”

My college graduation day is quickly looming closer. Apparently at some point I started accumulating enough credits to end up with a degree and that seems to signal it’s time to leave. Now I need a plan. A life plan. At least that seems to be expected. I’m sure I’m not the only person who announces impending graduation and than constantly is queried about future plans. I’m tired of awkwardly trying to succinctly summarize my possible options/pretending I actually know what I’m doing. In case anyone can relate, here are my top ten answers to inspire awe and jealousy in family and friends/end the interrogation.

Answers To What Are You Doing After College

Going to Hogwarts!

Okay I'm getting tired of the "keep calm" posters, but I love anything Harry Potter unconditionally.

Okay I’m getting tired of the “keep calm” posters, but I love anything Harry Potter unconditionally.

Tell people you are going to Hogwarts. Really sell it by sending yourself an acceptance letter. Try this website. Don’t worry about not being eleven. They can make a letter look like it was lost in transit (Owl transit of course).

Becoming a Vampire Slayer

Someone needs to kill Edward Cullen.

Someone needs to kill Edward Cullen.

I’m going to be honest, I double dip this answer. I also use it to explain what I’m going to do with my criminal justice degree. If this seems too ambitious the answer may be modified to watching all of the episodes of Buffy the Vampire Slayer on repeat.

 Becoming A Professional Nail Polish Namer

Want to know the toenail polish I’m wearing is called? Houston we have a purple. If you understand both terrible puns and alliteration, you can handle this job. I found a whole blog dedicated to bad nail polish names. Taking on the career might be doing the world a service.

Reading All of the Books

Reading is my happy place.

Reading is my happy place.

This is a totally plausible plan. All it requires is a library. It would take a long time to read a whole library worth of books.

Netflixing

netflixing

Netflix has over 50,000 movies and shows. Someone needs to rate them all. If might as well be you. You could even claim non-profit status. This is an important world service.

Marrying Rich

Gilmore Girls always knows the best way to handle life.

In the interest of progression I would like to point out this is a valid option for both boys and girls.

Taking over the World

Watch out for those shiny things.

Watch out for those shiny things.

The bonus of this answer is that most sane people don’t harass anyone who declares a desire for world domination. Don’t worry, this doesn’t require being evil. Feel free to be a benevolent world ruler.

Getting Pregnant and Collecting Child Support

Unlike many of my other plans that are inspired by the books and television, this plan is musically inspired. I enjoy listening to rap music when physically punishing my body with jogging. One of my favorite artists for exercise purposes is Kanye. Kanye West’s song “Gold Digger” triggered this plan. In case you haven’t heard it. Here’s the most inspiring segment.

18 years, 18 years
She got one of your kids, got you for 18 years
I know somebody paying child support for one of his kids
His baby mamma’s car and crib is bigger than his
You will see him on TV any given Sunday
Win the Superbowl and drive off in a Hyundai
She was supposed to buy your shorty TYCO with your money
She went to the doctor got lypo with your money
She walking around looking like Michael with your money
Should’ve got that insured got GEICO for your money, money, money
If you ain’t no punk holla we want prenup
WE WANT PRENUP! Yeah

Doing Something Vaguely Awesome

I have this posted on my bedroom wall.

I have this posted on my bedroom wall.

There is magic in being vague. As long as the answer is delivered with confidence it woks. If someone asks what doing epic shit means, just repeat epic shit. You could be saving the world or you could be recovering from eating Taco Bell. Nobody will know because of the magic of being vague.

If anyone begins to question your plans simply turn the table. It doesn’t matter how old someone is, nobody knows what they’re doing. If I’m wrong and you do know what you’re doing, let me know how you worked that out.

Best Wishes,

Caitlin

My nerd application

Recently I’ve needed to defend my self-identifying with the term nerd. Here’s some of my qualifications: I’ve got 101 pins on my Nerd board on Pinterest. I’m currently re-watching Avatar the Last Airbender. I took a Latin class. For fun. During the summer. I read the book before I see the movie. In the interest of full disclosure I usually do so more than once. I was incredibly saddened not to receive my Hogwarts letter and equally disappointed that Giles didn’t come to my high school and inform me I was a slayer. I believe in midnight releases and obscure references. I think it’s more fun to spell gray with an e. I’m a sapiosexual. I know the word sapiosexual. I keep books in my dresser. I own Harry Potter in four different languages. I’m really tired as I write this because I stayed up til 3 a.m. last night to finish a book. I am a nerd. I’ve never really been in the nerd closet but consider this my formal coming out. Feel free to throw me a party.

I’ve been told that I’m not a nerd because I have friends, or some of the “nerdy” indulgences I like are too mainstream, or I’m a confident girl who doesn’t wear glasses. Fuck that reasoning. Who wants that nerd criteria? According to dictionary.com a nerd is a stupid, irritating, ineffectual, or unattractive person or an intelligent but single-minded person obsessed with anonsocial hobby or pursuit: a computer nerd. Those two definitions contradict each other! Nerd isn’t an intelligence level, it’s a passion. I love how John Green (author and v-logger) describes the concept of a nerd.

To me, this is what nerd means.

That’s the definition of nerd I follow. People who like stuff. The number of other people who also like that stuff remains irrelevant. Nerds possess this rep as emotionless, intellectual, and boring. That’s wrong. It’s lengthy discussion about the air bending gene in Avatar or losing faith in humanity because there’s no second season of Firefly. It’s feelings. It’s fascination. It’s staying up late caught up in a show, movie, or book. It’s using topic specific jargon that fellow nerds of the same subject understand. It’s finding that feeling children have Christmas night and apply it to other aspects of life. Nerds realize the gifts present in life and appreciate them unabashedly.

I want equal rights for nerds. I demand them. It’s time for the dictionary and the public perception to catch up with the times. Rise up and embrace nerdiness in all forms. Go forth and enthuse over the miracle of human consciousness. Upon reflection, we humans have created some pretty amazing things. Appreciate it.

Love stuff already,

Caitlin

Why I would kill Harry Potter.

           I waitress during the summer and sometimes this led to a lot of downtime with interesting coworkers. Which I why we used to play this game called Marry, Fuck, or Kill*. Basically you name three people and the persons whose turn it is has to “choose” which person to marry, which person to fuck, and which person to kill. It’s rather awkward to play when using the names of people you know, but can tell you a lot about people when using fictional characters or celebrities. This is a great first date question.

Here’s an example game with Harry Potter characters. The contestants are Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, and Draco Malfoy**. Since I provided spoilers in the title, I’ll explain my decision in regards to Harry first. I would kill Harry Potter. I feel awful just for typing that sentence. I love Harry and appreciate that he saved the world, but he’s not boyfriend or one nightstand material.

Harry has some personal issues to deal with before dating anyone. Broody and moody holds a certain allure, but it wears off pretty quickly in real life. I’d rather have a happy boyfriend. I feel like Harry does a lot of man pms-ing. Remember when he dated Cho? What a mess. This is part of why he’d be a poor one-night stand. He’d definitely text constantly the next day and overanalyze everything. Plus he’s pretty self-conscious which probably equates to not great in bed.

That leaves Ron and Draco. I’d definitely marry Ron. I can overlook his lack of soul, nobody’s perfect. Hopefully we don’t have ginger children. If you’re going to spend the rest of your life with someone, they better make you smile. Plus I’d love to marry into the Weasley family. That leaves sleeping with Draco. In the words of Ron, Draco can be a bit of a git, but I don’t think he’d be an awful one-night stand. He’s quite cocky and I bet his parents bought him a really comfortable mattress. Sometimes girls just have to go for bad boys. There’s no logic to it. It’d be good to get it out of my system before settling down with Ron.

See, wasn’t that a fascinating first date conversation? I’d love to hear your picks in the comments.

Best wishes,

Caitlin

*A more PG version of this game is date, dump, or kiss, but I’m 20 yrs old and over the whole PG thing. If my swearing offends you, you can click the little “x” on the corner of this page and the bad words will go away.

** Good female contestants would be Hermione Granger, Luna Lovegood, and Ginny Weasley.

***This game would be fun to play with Hunger Games characters, but less people have read the books and I don’t want to spoil it for anyone.