How To Answer “What Are You Doing After Graduation?”

My college graduation day is quickly looming closer. Apparently at some point I started accumulating enough credits to end up with a degree and that seems to signal it’s time to leave. Now I need a plan. A life plan. At least that seems to be expected. I’m sure I’m not the only person who announces impending graduation and than constantly is queried about future plans. I’m tired of awkwardly trying to succinctly summarize my possible options/pretending I actually know what I’m doing. In case anyone can relate, here are my top ten answers to inspire awe and jealousy in family and friends/end the interrogation.

Answers To What Are You Doing After College

Going to Hogwarts!

Okay I'm getting tired of the "keep calm" posters, but I love anything Harry Potter unconditionally.

Okay I’m getting tired of the “keep calm” posters, but I love anything Harry Potter unconditionally.

Tell people you are going to Hogwarts. Really sell it by sending yourself an acceptance letter. Try this website. Don’t worry about not being eleven. They can make a letter look like it was lost in transit (Owl transit of course).

Becoming a Vampire Slayer

Someone needs to kill Edward Cullen.

Someone needs to kill Edward Cullen.

I’m going to be honest, I double dip this answer. I also use it to explain what I’m going to do with my criminal justice degree. If this seems too ambitious the answer may be modified to watching all of the episodes of Buffy the Vampire Slayer on repeat.

 Becoming A Professional Nail Polish Namer

Want to know the toenail polish I’m wearing is called? Houston we have a purple. If you understand both terrible puns and alliteration, you can handle this job. I found a whole blog dedicated to bad nail polish names. Taking on the career might be doing the world a service.

Reading All of the Books

Reading is my happy place.

Reading is my happy place.

This is a totally plausible plan. All it requires is a library. It would take a long time to read a whole library worth of books.

Netflixing

netflixing

Netflix has over 50,000 movies and shows. Someone needs to rate them all. If might as well be you. You could even claim non-profit status. This is an important world service.

Marrying Rich

Gilmore Girls always knows the best way to handle life.

In the interest of progression I would like to point out this is a valid option for both boys and girls.

Taking over the World

Watch out for those shiny things.

Watch out for those shiny things.

The bonus of this answer is that most sane people don’t harass anyone who declares a desire for world domination. Don’t worry, this doesn’t require being evil. Feel free to be a benevolent world ruler.

Getting Pregnant and Collecting Child Support

Unlike many of my other plans that are inspired by the books and television, this plan is musically inspired. I enjoy listening to rap music when physically punishing my body with jogging. One of my favorite artists for exercise purposes is Kanye. Kanye West’s song “Gold Digger” triggered this plan. In case you haven’t heard it. Here’s the most inspiring segment.

18 years, 18 years
She got one of your kids, got you for 18 years
I know somebody paying child support for one of his kids
His baby mamma’s car and crib is bigger than his
You will see him on TV any given Sunday
Win the Superbowl and drive off in a Hyundai
She was supposed to buy your shorty TYCO with your money
She went to the doctor got lypo with your money
She walking around looking like Michael with your money
Should’ve got that insured got GEICO for your money, money, money
If you ain’t no punk holla we want prenup
WE WANT PRENUP! Yeah

Doing Something Vaguely Awesome

I have this posted on my bedroom wall.

I have this posted on my bedroom wall.

There is magic in being vague. As long as the answer is delivered with confidence it woks. If someone asks what doing epic shit means, just repeat epic shit. You could be saving the world or you could be recovering from eating Taco Bell. Nobody will know because of the magic of being vague.

If anyone begins to question your plans simply turn the table. It doesn’t matter how old someone is, nobody knows what they’re doing. If I’m wrong and you do know what you’re doing, let me know how you worked that out.

Best Wishes,

Caitlin

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I’m giving Orange Is the New Black four Netflix stars

There are a few caveats to my review of this show. I’ve only watched the first four episodes. I haven’t watched any of the other TV shows about women’s prisons. I do not have cable and this may have completely warped my sense of what is and isn’t good television but cable costs so much money! Okay, so now I’m going to tell you to do something. Watch Orange Is the New Black on Netflix.

The show is about an educated, juice cleansing, Mad Men watching women who gets sent to prison for a crime she committed ten years ago. It’s based on a book based on a true story. I usually read books before watching tv shows/movies, but I started the show before doing my proper research. If you’re a trailer person you can check it out here. Orange Is the New Black trailer.

The main reason I love this show is because it surprised me. Normally I watch TV and can predict what’s going to happen. That’s fine and comforting and makes me feel good about my skills of understanding foreshadowing, but it’s crazy boring. In my opinion from the first few episodes I’ve watched the episodes improve as it continues.

The other main reason I watch this show is for Laura Prepon. Laura played Donna in That 70’s Show. I adored that show as a teenager (and now). In Orange Is the New Black I get to see Donna Laura (she’s always been Donna to me, but maybe this show will change that) in the role of lesbian drug lord. Which is awesome! Don’t worry that isn’t much of a spoiler, a lot comes out in the first episode and is obvious from trailers and the general internet hype over the show.

I don’t think this show will make you understand the prison system or give you a new lease on life. I do however believe it is a lot of fun to watch. That seems like what I want my television shows to do. Now I’m going to go watch another episode. Hopefully I won’t binge and finish them all. If you give it a chance let me know what you think.

Best wishes!

Caitlin

P.S. Another good Netflix Original is House of Cards. It’s a sexier West Wing. Wow I watch too much TV…

Aside

Love lessons from Netflix

Dating people is like choosing what to watch on Netflix. Seriously. Maybe I’m doing one of them wrong, but I think they’re quite comparable. Both tend to make people fatter and more likely to spend the night in instead of going out with friends. Each requires looking at a bunch of options, taking in the available data, and then hoping for the best. I’m not incredibly successful at dating, but I’m great at Netflix. We’ve been together for almost six months now and we’re quite happy. So I’m going to apply some of my rules for choosing what to watch on Netflix to my dating life and see how that goes. Here’s the new rules:

Nobody has perfect reviews. 

When I first got Netflix I’d read a ridiculous amount of reviews about each movie before I watched it. What a huge waste of time. Just because someone else does or doesn’t like a movie has little bearing on how I’ll feel. Now if a bunch of people said the movie was a cheating jerk, that’s probably true. However, one bad review isn’t the end of the world. Not everyone who writes reviews has very good taste. In the words of Hannah Montana, “everybody makes mistakes.”

It’s okay to have guilty pleasures.

If watching Vampire Diaries on Netflix makes me happy, I’m going to watch Vampire Diaries. Go ahead and judge me. I don’t care. It’s perfectly fine to enjoy Vampire Diaries for its steamy goodness. As long as I remember that Vampire Diaries is a guilty pleasure and not a show I’m taking home to meet my parents everything ends happily ever after.

If the movie sucks, turn if off.

There are millions of shows in the proverbial sea, well, internet. If I’m watching a movie and it starts out awful the chances of the movie realizing I’m a great viewer and it should shape up its act are slim. Go back to browsing. There are too many movies and my time is to valuable to sit around watching something I don’t enjoy.

Keep stuff in your instant queue.

I’m not encouraging television whoredom, well maybe I am. Just because I’ve found one television show I like doesn’t mean all other television shows cease to exist. LOST and I dated for awhile. Everything was great. I thought we were happy together. Then the last season came out and I wished we had never met. I loved and lost. It was not better than never loving at all. Good thing instant queue was there with a dose of Dr. Who and Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

No good choices occur after midnight.

If a Netflix show only holds appeal after midnight when an empty bed reminds me that a life forever alone with cats would suck because I’m really a dog person and cats aren’t that loving once they stop being kittens, I probably shouldn’t watch it. Morning will come. Waking up to the sound of construction and looking all bleary eyed at the judgmental laptop lying next to me is not my ideal morning.

That’s the new rules. Hopefully it works. If not, I recently discovered Mad Men so at least Netflix and I will remain happily together.

Best of Luck,

Caitlin