Things I would rather fund than a presidential campaign

The internet often inspires some of my crazier thoughts. This post is inspired by Twitter. More specifically, this tweet: “Hey, IRS: Instead of a checkbox for WOULD YOU LIKE DONATE TO THE PRESIDENTIAL CAMPAIGN FUND, can we get GIVE MONEY TO NASA FOR AWESOME SHIT” I saw retweeted by author Laurell K. Hamilton and originally posted by @ragebauer. So here’s a list of things I’d rather fund than a presidential campaign.

 

NASA doing more cool stuff. There’s a rover on Mars! That’s ridiculously awesome.

Zombie Apocalypse preparedness training.

Everyone who is so adamant about the right to own a gun better learn how to use it against zombies.

New seasons of shows that shouldn’t have been cancelled. Most importantly Firefly.

Cheap healthy food. I like my fruits and vegetables thank you very much.

Theme music occurring in real life. Epic aspects of life would increase exponentially in fun.

Iron Man. Why aren’t superheroes real? Someone must be filthy rich and in possession of a mask.

Time travel. Apparently this isn’t possible according to current physics understanding, but I’m willing to overlook physics.

George R. R. Martin writing faster.

More self-checkouts at stores. I hate buying awkward things in front of a cashier. Yes, I do want chocolate, ice-cream, tampons, and this trashy romance novel. Thanks for the judgmental look.

A program to create a sexy new American accent.

Self-washing clothes.

Cosmopolitan for men.

Conversion to the metric system.

Go USA we will not give into peer pressure or common sense.

Bringing back the dinosaurs. I want a pet velociraptor.

Miniature versions of bigger things. Because the Earth possesses limited space and resources. Also, petite lap giraffes. I want one.

Everything is cuter in miniature.

An equation for the perfect chip to dip ratio.

A campaign to make the world a better place by refusing to start anything before 10 a.m.

Finally someone who understand real world issues.

A 24 hour help hot-line for older generations trying to use technology. Someone deserves to get paid for helping these people instead of it creating family strife when children have to explain the use of Facebook.

A teleportation device. As an out of state student I’d really appreciate this technology. Good-bye long car drives.

Creation of a universal language. Ideally one that makes more sense than English or Chinese.

Public napping spaces. Basically I support a well rested country.

 

There you have it. That’s how I’d like my money spent. Feel free to encourage me to run for political office. Personally I’d like to be a Texas Ranger or a Slayer. What causes would you support financially?

Best wishes,

Caitlin

 

 

 

 

 

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Apparently I have poor American values

I completed my patriotic obligations yesterday and watched fireworks explode in the sky. I was feeling pretty American and full of goodwill. I don’t usually subscribe much to extreme patriotism because the fact that I was born in the United States was actually none of my doing. In keeping with my American spirit, I read a few articles about the Fourth of July. One of them was an editorial entitled “What Are American Values These Days?” that appeared on Time.com.

The article contains the opinions of a Republican strategist and a Democratic pollster on American values today. Apparently sports and religion are what make this country so great. What? That’s ridiculous. I’m not particularly fond of either custom.  Mark Penn, a democratic pollster, started the process of thoroughly annoying me by proposing we spend the Fourth of July reviving our sports values.

Then he cited this information found in a survey on American values conducted by the Atlantic/Aspen Institute. (Check out more information found in the survey).

Americans found the use of performance enhancing drugs by athletes to be the least morally acceptable behavior in a list that included prostitution, underage drinking, human cloning, and illegal drug use.

As a country the actions we most clearly agree are morally objectionable (89% of Americans fell this way) are the use of performance enhancing drugs by athletes and using illegal drugs (other than marijuana). Maybe the D.A.R.E. program wasn’t as big a failure as believed.  I’m glad American isn’t this united against other options on the survey such as homosexuality and the use of contraceptives. However, it’s upsetting when 89% of people care about this issue but no where near that many people agree on issues of great importance. That many people don’t agree that the government should ensure Americans have access to food or a basic high school education. Food and education are essential. I don’t care at all if some sports player uses performance enhancing drugs. Maybe I’d find sports less boring that way. But I care immensely that other people have food and education. If this survey was a test, I don’t think we did very well.

Other fun facts the poll reveals include that more Americans find premarital sex morally objectionable (39%) than capital punishment (36%). Also 15% of Americans feel interracial marriage is morally objectionable. What? I don’t understand why gay marriage is an issue and can’t believe people still aren’t on board with interracial marriage. Sure it’s only 15%, but 15% of America is a big deal. Especially since we tend to embrace our free speech rights to shout out our opinions. Now that I’ve condemned sports and upset probably everyone, I’m going to go on a rant about religion.

Karen Hughes, the Republican strategist, also bases her sentiments on the American Values Survey. The fact she decided to pinpoint was that 89% of American believe in a big g Go. I picture the 89% who morally object to athletes using performance enhancing drugs also pray to God about the issue. Some sentiment along the lines of “I’ll go to church more if you don’t let whatever team get away with their dang steroid use!” Hughes talks about God-fearing people and how that leads to a moral responsibility which condemns actions like murder or theft. I don’t need threats of hell or Zeus smiting me with lightning bolts to abstain from murdering people. Historically a belief in God has done a terrible job of keeping people from murdering other people.

Maybe I’m crazy and America needs a good old sermon followed by a round of baseball. Yet I feel America would benefit more from a giant group hug. More competition and rules won’t fix anything. Both religion and sports pit people onto teams. It’s time to bring people together. Maybe I’m a crazy idealist, but my idea of American values is turning America into a country where everyone is free to be themselves. If anyone agrees and wants to get in on the group hug, let me know.

Best of Luck,

Caitlin

My A-Z stance on important political issues

It was great to see President Obama announce his support for gay marriage. Believing politicians should never change their mind represents pure folly. Nothing good comes of a stubborn adherence to old beliefs with utter disregard to new facts, information, or arguments. It’s important people stand up for their beliefs. Speaking of which, I’d like to share some of my beliefs. In case anyone needs a role model in these trying times. Here’s an alphabetical guide to my feelings on important topics like crocs, birth control, and Edward Cullen.

is for anal… people. Calm it down. Do the counting to three thing or punch a wall. I don’t care. Stop sweating the small stuff. Poor children are starving everywhere (not just in Africa whoever made that saying a thing) and no one cares if the staple in the corner of my research paper is horizontal or vertical.

Just think WWBD “What Would a Bro Do?”

is for birth control. Cheaper and more environmentally friendly than continuously popping out children. If obese people expect insurance to cover their many health needs because they don’t want to give up unhealthy food, I expect birth control to be covered because I don’t want to give up sex.

Inconceivable.

is for crocs. Crocs are ugly. Judging if the amount of comfort they provide is worth the amount of pain they inflict on innocent eyes is a personal matter. I don’t see how it’s possible, but wear what you want. Just know, I think your Crocs look dumb.

I rest my case.

is for dinosaurs. Was Jurassic Park just a big tease? When are dinosaurs coming back? Someone must be working on this. Scientists need to step up the game. I want dinosaurs and space travel. I’d even donate money to these causes in return for a dinosaur or spaceship ride.

is for Edward Cullen. He’s creepy. Vampires shouldn’t sparkle. If someone breaks into your room and watches you sleep, don’t marry that person.

Stalking isn’t sexy.

is for feminism. The meaning of that word seems to vary so I’m not sure I’d call myself a feminist, but I support equal rights. Reproductive organs shouldn’t effect a person’s ability to work too many hours or stay at home caring for children.

is for google. I’m pretty sure google knows everything and am kind of concerned it’ll take over the world. Not too concerned though because if google search didn’t tell me google took over the world I’d probably never know. Maybe China will put up a fight.

is for homosexuality. This is America, land of the free. People should be free to do what they want with their naughty bits.

Love is not a political statement.

is for Instagram. Using instagram is fine, but it doesn’t make you a photographer. I’m not sure what does make you a photographer but I think there’s a test and a required amount of nature pictures and shots with strange lighting.

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