You can’t catch me, I’m the gingerbread man. Just kidding. I’m not. But I am training for a half marathon with my friend Hannah. The standard motivations for exercise are health and physical fitness. These don’t really do it for me. So I made my own list of reasons I run.
List of Reasons to Run
1.If you do it in a real race you rewarded with shiny things. Sometimes a girl needs a little bling.
2. To outrun zombies/psycho killers/stalkers/annoying people/the police?/angry mobs… Whoever or whatever you may need to flee. I’m sure a lot of people in scary movies would’ve survived if they had better cardio (and a higher intellect).
3. To chase hot men/small children you’re babysitting/famous people/dogs that get off their leash/papers that blow away in the wind/people who take unflattering pictures of you/dinosaurs (time travel, duh)/bad guys/Hobbits who get separated from the group.
4. It’s great to be one of those few people who can walk up stairs without panting. Though sometimes I’m sore from walking up stairs after running, I’m not out of breath.
5. If you run at the gym, it’s full of other physically fit people. Hello hotties in semi-revealing clothing. I’ve also noticed a lot of people at the gym have really sweet tattoos. I’m not sure what the correlation is, but I’m a fan.
6. You feel less guilty about eating that ice cream/chocolate/whatever. I’m going to eat it regardless, but it’s nice to have guilt free snacking.
7. Next time you play pa-diddle* (I think this is an Indiana phenomenon because I never played in Wisconsin), strip poker, or whatever strip inducing game, you’ll look damn fine.
8. Finally I have something to do with the ridiculous amount of giant t-shirts I accumulated during high school. I simply cut off sleeves and trim the bottom and have a perfectly useful running shirt.
9. Showers are so much better after a good workout.
10. Bragging rights. Bragging all the time is obnoxious, but it’s okay to be proud of your accomplishments.
11. When we use up all the oil, you’ll be able to run places faster than everyone else. Or you could get a horse, but I’m not allowed to have pets in my dorm.
12. It’s good conditioning for all day shopping trips.
13. It’s good for your sex life. This legitamite website even says so-> http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/exercise/HQ01676/NSECTIONGROUP=2
and it’s not even because you look so good though that probably helps.
14. Endorphins! They’re all feel good and stuff. I’m a huge fan.
15. I really enjoy making running playlists. Mostly because I fill them with awful rap music and jam out hardcore. That’s a kind of embarrassing sentence, but true.
“Pa-diddle is a game you play while riding in cars. Whenever you see a car driving with a headlight out someone in the car yells pa-diddle and taps the roof. Everyone else follows suit and the last person to do so loses and have to remove a piece of clothing. In Wisconsin we sort of played a similar game, but it was called beer. When you saw a car without a headlight you yelled beer and everyone in the car owed you a beer. What can I say, Wisconsin is classy.