Why I would probably jump off a cliff if my friends did.

Sometimes I do things because my friends are doing those things. I’m not sure why people find this to be such an awful idea. The saying, “would you jump off a cliff if all of your friends were?” makes no sense to me. Of course I would. If my friends were jumping off cliffs there’s probably a giant trampoline at the bottom. Or we have jet packs. Some of my friends are pretty smart. Who the heck are your friends? Bella Swan? Don’t follow her off a cliff. Self-endangerment is not the best method to attract men/women/the undead*. I’d sooner advise using Snooki as a role model and dress like a slut.

            Some examples of stuff I do because my friends do: make pasta, go out to eat, bowl, finish my homework, watch Pretty Little Liars, or read stuff they like on Facebook. None of these are bad things. I’m concerned about people’s ability to wisely pick friends. If you don’t like the things your friends do, maybe you should get some new friends. I hear Facebook is a great place to find them. Feel free to add me as a friend, though I don’t promise to be a good influence.

Best of luck,

Caitlin 

*Upon reflection, self endangerment may be a great way to attract the undead. Like slit your throat and vampires would probably flock to you. This is still a bad plan because most vampires aren’t hot. Edward is not attractive. You’re confused by the media. Google Paul Walker, Brad Pitt, or Shemar Moore. You’re welcome. 

No I will not inbox you a number…unless the world is ending

I’m not going to hate on Valentine’s Day. I’m pretty indifferent to its existence. The dumb posts on Facebook asking friends to inbox you a number on the other hand are super annoying. It makes me want to create a punch enhancement to the poke feature. If you’re going to request I inbox you, it should be about something important. If I liked you, I’d hit on you in person. Or poke you like a normal human being. If you’re too shy to message me without the excuse of Valentine’s Day posts, you should probably man up. Instead of posting this:

Valentine’s Day

So considering valentines day is coming. Post this as your status & see what number people inbox you, 🙂
1- second chance </3
2- your cute :]
3- kiss :*
4- better friendship :]
… … 5- chill , ♥
6- cuddle :xx
7- long term relationship ♥
8- an apology :/
9- a hug :3 ♥
10- I like you ! :-[
11- I’m crushing on you ♥
12- I dislike you
13- I love you :]
14- will you be my Valentine ? ♥

 

 

Which contains a bunch of lame options. Where’s “I’ll make out with you if nothing good is on TV” and “I’ll Facebook creep on you for the rest of my life.” What kind of relationships do these people have? I support posting something like this.

THE WORLDS IS ENDING

Considering the world may come to an end. Post this as you status and see who to hang out with before meeting your doom. Inbox me, and then post this as your status or killer baby clowns will eat you.

  1. I’d trip you if zombies were chasing us.
  2. I’d endanger you’re life for a Twinkie or a trip to the amusement park if zombies were chasing us. (Yes, this is a Zombieland reference.)
  3. I think vampires are sexy and would be no use if they started taking over the world.
  4. I know Doctor Who and could save you if some sort of alien attack occurs.
  5. I’m a huge nerd. Maybe you haven’t looked at me before, but once robots start taking over I’ll use my gigantic brain to save your life.
  6. I live in a bubble and will share said bubble with you in the case of a deadly plague.
  7. I own one of those really expensive underground bunkers.
  8. I suppose I’d sleep with you if we were the last two people on Earth and it was the only way to save the human race, but I’d probably keep my eyes closed.
  9. I’ll use the end of the world as a great excuse to try and get laid. Have I told you how hot you are?
  10.  I’m a huge redneck and will use my many illegally purchased weapons to protect you.
  11. I’m saintly. So I’ll put in a good word for your soul when the Apocalypse comes.
  12. I realize the Mayan calendar panic is ridiculous, but hey, want to go out on Valentine’s Day?

Best of luck!

Caitlin