Street Kitty: the Anthem of my Cat

Warning: I use/cross out offensive language…

I heard a rumor that the internet loves cats. I also love cats and specifically love my cat, Luna. My roommate and I adopted Luna on a $5 adoption day. Who doesn’t love a sale? Who does’t love adopting pets? That wasn’t rhetorical, the answer is bad people. Bad people don’t like sales and pets. Luna decided she needed a theme song because apparently singing na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na Kitty Cat wasn’t enough. Unfortunately, I have no musical ability so I’m adapting part of the lyrics to “Rack City.” This isn’t an endorsement of Rack City’s lyrics, I’m changing those, that’s kind of the point. I just like the beat.

Here’s the inspiration behind the song:


My cat, Luna, shows me who is boss.

“Rack City” Street Kitty

Rack, rack, city bitch, city bitch Street, street, kitty bitch, kitty bitch
Rack, rack, rack city bitch, city bitch, rack Street, street, street kitty bitch, kitty bitch, street
Rack, rack, rack city bitch, city bitch Street, street, street kitty bitch, street kitty
Mutha on the beat Get her off the street
Hah! Hah[Verse 1:]
Rack city bitch, rack, rack city bitch Street kitty bitch, street, street kitty bitch
Ten ten ten twenties on ya titties bitch five five five stringies for my kitty bitch
100 deep V.I.P. no guest list kindred peeps, B.F.F. no unrest
T-Raw you don’t know who you fucking with? No pet law! don’t know who you fronting with
Got my other bitch fucking with my other bitch One after another, purring with my silly pet
Fucking all night nigga we ain’t celibate Playing all night, huggin, we ain’t sleepy yet
Make it sound too dope I ain’t selling it Play a bit around, ain’t overselling it
Bar fresher than a motherfucking peppermint Nothin’ better than a kitty-hugging regiment
Gold Letterman last kings killing shit Solid sentiment, adopt a kitty bitch
Young money young money yeah we getting rich Young kitty, young kitty, yeah we getting it
I Got ya grandma on my dick (ha ha) I got ya grandma a kitty pic (ha)
Girl you know what it is Kitty love is what it is

[Hook: x2]
Rack city bitch, rack, rack, city bitch [x3] Street kitty bitch, street, street kitty bitch

Ten, ten, ten, twenties and the fifties bitch five five five stringies for my kitty bitch*
*Lyrics were found on
Sing it while listening to the uncensored version (it goes from the beginning to about 1:30) for an embarrassing, but hopefully enjoyable time. I can’t add an audio otherwise I promise I would. I’m sure your rap voice is prettier than mine.
Best Wishes,

How To Not Write

Some tasks it’s easy to not do. I easily not murder people because I don’t feel any inclination to do so (usually). Writing is a different beast. I love writing. At least sort of. I’ve heard quotes along the lines of hating writing, but loving having written. The moment a story is finished isn’t my favorite part of writing. My favorite time is when I have an idea I love and I’m just about to start my project. There is so much potential in that moment. The story exists vividly in my head. I’ve written pieces I love, but never felt I fully transferred that vision in my head to paper.

This tends to cause me to stretch out that moment before the actual writing takes place, but I feel too guilty if I completely avoid the writing. I went to Catholic school as a child and developed quite a tendency for good old fashioned motivational guilt. I’ve learned to assuage this guilt and still avoid accomplishing writing. Here are my favorite ways to work on writing without writing.

Top Five Guilt Free Ways to Not Write

1. Research Your Story

This is the best way to go because it’s actually necessary. It can also easily end up leading to a journey into strange corners of the internet. For a fantasy piece I was writing I needed to research how far a person can travel on horseback in a day in order to come up with reasonable distances my character could travel. The question wasn’t as easy to answer as I hoped. I usually start my research with the laziest method possible and enter my question into google. I spent too much time on a trail started by a Yahoo! Answers. I learned about different amazing horse races that happen all over the world and ended up watching Hidalgo instead of accomplishing much writing, but I did eventually find the info I needed.

2. Research Writing

This is my go to way to avoid writing. I love reading about writing. I know I’ve done this quite a few times because I save most of my research on writing to Pinterest. Feel free to check out my writing board to prompt your own guilt free writing procrastination. Two of my favorites are the pin about Stephen King quotes on writing and Neil Gaiman’s writing rules. I love both authors. I also love Pinterest. You never know when you’ll come across information you might want later and Pinterest is a great place to save it.

3. Read Good Writing

As if I really need an excuse to read more books. I truly believe reading can improve your writing. There are different ways to interpret what constitutes “good” writing. What I believe is good writing doesn’t matter. Read what inspires you. Read to remember the magical power letters have when arranged in a pleasing manner.

4. Read Bad Writing

Bad writing helps me in two ways. First, it’s a good reminder of what not to do. Maybe the writing is bad because it’s sexist or lacking any sensible grammer. Notice what you don’t like and decide not to do it. The second way it helps me is by giving me a bit of an ego boost. Writing takes guts. If someone else can put bad work out their, I can share what I write. Heck, sometimes not so great writing even sells. I’m thinking Twilight here. What is the worst that can happen. You write something bad and people don’t like it. Who cares? You just disliked someone else’s writing and everyone is leaving the situation unscathed. Maybe you even learned a lesson or two.

5. Seek Inspiration

This is the easiest way. Do exactly what you would do on a normal day. Convince yourself that living life is the best way to gain inspiration for your writing. Those three hours of watching reality television in your pajamas could inspire the next great American (or whateverican) novel.

6… A bonus sixth option is writing a blog post about how you aren’t writing. At least there will be an end product.

What to you do when you don’t want to write but probably should be writing? I could always use more ideas.

Best Wishes,



An experiment with projective poetry that I started for my creative writing class. Inspired by the work of Robert Creeley.

Rocks indent

my skin, I heard

a train sound to

the night, goosebumps on flesh,

you say you like

it, I know.

Flesh keeps

no secrets.

I remember how

naked I felt, my clothes

in place, except the black

thong around my

ankle, stuck on my

heels, out of

place in the rocks.

This is a picnic,

under the optimistic stars.

The dark of summer night,

not deep

enough to shroud us,

looming deeper with time.

A red bra strap

peeks from my t-shirt,

seeing myself in squares,

small sections,

the mirror of a sun-visor.

The radio,

singing of love,

a hand reaches

out for a safe

harbour. It

finds nowhere

to anchor.

What’s the Point… of View

Let me preface this post by admitting it isn’t my usual thing. I’m working on a project for a Creative Writing class I’m currently taking and wanted to poll the internet realm on a question. I’ve been doing a lot of reading on point of view and what’s popular, easiest, “best, etc. I started a piece using third person editorial omniscient. Then I read numerous articles saying readers today dislike omniscient narrators because they desire a more personal connection with characters. I’ve enjoyed a few books with omniscient narrators and was wondering if I’m just abnormal. What are your favorite points of view to read and/or write? If you’ve got time I included that beginning of my work in progress and would love feedback on feelings about the point of view or any feedback in general.

Thanks internet!


Judgment by Chance

            Every city had a Reader. Every Reader hated books. This has been true since as long as anyone’s oldest relative could remember remembering. The idea’s birthplace remains a mystery. Nobody who is willing to share knows who created the magic of Readers, it just was. Sort of like gravity, except a surprising amount of people decide to challenge gravity by jumping off roofs and the likes, whereas Readers were more universally accepted. This made them the main authority of the land and was generally considered an improvement to the time before readers by those categorized as the little people. The less little people preferred the old system of “Might is Right” but they were outnumbered and smart enough, for the most part, to keep their mouths shut.

Knowing all of this, Chance was less than thrilled when a letter from the University bearing the Reader crest of two books on a scale arrived on his doorstep. During the seconds it took to crack open the letter’s red wax seal, Chance had already envisioned a multitude of ways this could end in unpleasant death. Chance possessed what his mother kindly termed an overeager imagination. Where normal people saw shadows, Chance saw dark garbed assassins.  Having no enemies who would possibly want to assassinate him, he recognized his own paranoia. Chance grimly reassured himself; Readers had been assassinated in the past so maybe his paranoia would prove valid.

Continue reading

Life competency

           I’m freaking out. Why? Because I just ended that sentence with a preposition and started this one with the word because. Is that allowed? The angry green squiggly line in Word says no. I hate that line. If it possessed sentience I’d call it fat and insult its mother. Why do I even care? I care because my college has a writing competency exam that I’m required to pass. I’m a mix of terrified and annoyed. When did it become necessary to gain competence at anything? Life brims with incompetent idiots. I’m sure plenty of them obtained college degrees.

            I’d like to propose alternative competency tests. Since college began I’ve reached competency in a variety of ways. I’m competent at: microwaving stuff with instructions on it, running, living with a roommate, procrastinating, doing laundry, awkwardly patting shoulders, staying up irrationally late, texting, painting my nails, walking alone in the dark, not losing keys, finding TV episodes on the internet, playing Super Smash Bros., playing beer pong (sort of), power walking to class, and an assortment of other tasks.

            Where’s my credit for all of those skills? I’m feeling a tad underappreciated. Additionally, a lot of other competency tests should probably exist. Such as a parenting competency exam or a kindness competency exam. It could serve as a carfax but for people. Sort of like skill sets on video games. I’d be a level three cook, level six driver, and a level 99 speed reader. Maybe I want to be a Sim?  Mostly I just want motivational music and some sort of visible acknowledgment when I accomplish mundane tasks. The amount of epic in my life would greatly benefit. Right now my competency level in procrastinating would grow and an upbeat musical number would highlight my accomplishment. Since that’s not happening, I should probably return to my studies.

            Best of Luck,