Things I would rather fund than a presidential campaign

The internet often inspires some of my crazier thoughts. This post is inspired by Twitter. More specifically, this tweet: “Hey, IRS: Instead of a checkbox for WOULD YOU LIKE DONATE TO THE PRESIDENTIAL CAMPAIGN FUND, can we get GIVE MONEY TO NASA FOR AWESOME SHIT” I saw retweeted by author Laurell K. Hamilton and originally posted by @ragebauer. So here’s a list of things I’d rather fund than a presidential campaign.

 

NASA doing more cool stuff. There’s a rover on Mars! That’s ridiculously awesome.

Zombie Apocalypse preparedness training.

Everyone who is so adamant about the right to own a gun better learn how to use it against zombies.

New seasons of shows that shouldn’t have been cancelled. Most importantly Firefly.

Cheap healthy food. I like my fruits and vegetables thank you very much.

Theme music occurring in real life. Epic aspects of life would increase exponentially in fun.

Iron Man. Why aren’t superheroes real? Someone must be filthy rich and in possession of a mask.

Time travel. Apparently this isn’t possible according to current physics understanding, but I’m willing to overlook physics.

George R. R. Martin writing faster.

More self-checkouts at stores. I hate buying awkward things in front of a cashier. Yes, I do want chocolate, ice-cream, tampons, and this trashy romance novel. Thanks for the judgmental look.

A program to create a sexy new American accent.

Self-washing clothes.

Cosmopolitan for men.

Conversion to the metric system.

Go USA we will not give into peer pressure or common sense.

Bringing back the dinosaurs. I want a pet velociraptor.

Miniature versions of bigger things. Because the Earth possesses limited space and resources. Also, petite lap giraffes. I want one.

Everything is cuter in miniature.

An equation for the perfect chip to dip ratio.

A campaign to make the world a better place by refusing to start anything before 10 a.m.

Finally someone who understand real world issues.

A 24 hour help hot-line for older generations trying to use technology. Someone deserves to get paid for helping these people instead of it creating family strife when children have to explain the use of Facebook.

A teleportation device. As an out of state student I’d really appreciate this technology. Good-bye long car drives.

Creation of a universal language. Ideally one that makes more sense than English or Chinese.

Public napping spaces. Basically I support a well rested country.

 

There you have it. That’s how I’d like my money spent. Feel free to encourage me to run for political office. Personally I’d like to be a Texas Ranger or a Slayer. What causes would you support financially?

Best wishes,

Caitlin

 

 

 

 

 

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Run, run as fast as you can.

You can’t catch me, I’m the gingerbread man. Just kidding. I’m not. But I am training for a half marathon with my friend Hannah. The standard motivations for exercise are health and physical fitness.  These don’t really do it for me. So I made my own list of reasons I run.

List of Reasons to Run

1.If you do it in a real race you rewarded with shiny things. Sometimes a girl needs a little bling.

2. To outrun zombies/psycho killers/stalkers/annoying people/the police?/angry mobs… Whoever or whatever you may need to flee. I’m sure a lot of people in scary movies would’ve survived if they had better cardio (and a higher intellect).

3. To chase hot men/small children you’re babysitting/famous people/dogs that get off their leash/papers that blow away in the wind/people who take unflattering pictures of you/dinosaurs (time travel, duh)/bad guys/Hobbits who get separated from the group.

4. It’s great to be one of those few people who can walk up stairs without panting. Though sometimes I’m sore from walking up stairs after running, I’m not out of breath.

5. If you run at the gym, it’s full of other physically fit people.  Hello hotties in semi-revealing clothing. I’ve also noticed a lot of people at the gym have really sweet tattoos. I’m not sure what the correlation is, but I’m a fan.

6. You feel less guilty about eating that ice cream/chocolate/whatever. I’m going to eat it regardless, but it’s nice to have guilt free snacking.

7. Next time you play pa-diddle* (I think this is an Indiana phenomenon because I never played in Wisconsin), strip poker, or whatever strip inducing game, you’ll look damn fine.

8. Finally I have something to do with the ridiculous amount of giant t-shirts I accumulated during high school. I simply cut off sleeves and trim the bottom and have a perfectly useful running shirt.

9. Showers are so much better after a good workout.

10. Bragging rights. Bragging all the time is obnoxious, but it’s okay to be proud of your accomplishments.

11. When we use up all the oil, you’ll be able to run places faster than everyone else. Or you could get a horse, but I’m not allowed to have pets in my dorm.

12. It’s good conditioning for all day shopping trips.

13. It’s good for your sex life. This legitamite website even says so-> http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/exercise/HQ01676/NSECTIONGROUP=2

and it’s not even because you look so good though that probably helps.

14. Endorphins! They’re all feel good and stuff. I’m a huge fan.

15. I really enjoy making running playlists. Mostly because I fill them with awful rap music and jam out hardcore. That’s a kind of embarrassing sentence, but true.

“Pa-diddle is a game you play while riding in cars. Whenever you see a car driving with a headlight out someone in the car yells pa-diddle and taps the roof. Everyone else follows suit and the last person to do so loses and have to remove a piece of clothing. In Wisconsin we sort of played a similar game, but it was called beer. When you saw a car without a headlight you yelled beer and everyone in the car owed you a beer. What can I say, Wisconsin is classy.

No I will not inbox you a number…unless the world is ending

I’m not going to hate on Valentine’s Day. I’m pretty indifferent to its existence. The dumb posts on Facebook asking friends to inbox you a number on the other hand are super annoying. It makes me want to create a punch enhancement to the poke feature. If you’re going to request I inbox you, it should be about something important. If I liked you, I’d hit on you in person. Or poke you like a normal human being. If you’re too shy to message me without the excuse of Valentine’s Day posts, you should probably man up. Instead of posting this:

Valentine’s Day

So considering valentines day is coming. Post this as your status & see what number people inbox you, 🙂
1- second chance </3
2- your cute :]
3- kiss :*
4- better friendship :]
… … 5- chill , ♥
6- cuddle :xx
7- long term relationship ♥
8- an apology :/
9- a hug :3 ♥
10- I like you ! :-[
11- I’m crushing on you ♥
12- I dislike you
13- I love you :]
14- will you be my Valentine ? ♥

 

 

Which contains a bunch of lame options. Where’s “I’ll make out with you if nothing good is on TV” and “I’ll Facebook creep on you for the rest of my life.” What kind of relationships do these people have? I support posting something like this.

THE WORLDS IS ENDING

Considering the world may come to an end. Post this as you status and see who to hang out with before meeting your doom. Inbox me, and then post this as your status or killer baby clowns will eat you.

  1. I’d trip you if zombies were chasing us.
  2. I’d endanger you’re life for a Twinkie or a trip to the amusement park if zombies were chasing us. (Yes, this is a Zombieland reference.)
  3. I think vampires are sexy and would be no use if they started taking over the world.
  4. I know Doctor Who and could save you if some sort of alien attack occurs.
  5. I’m a huge nerd. Maybe you haven’t looked at me before, but once robots start taking over I’ll use my gigantic brain to save your life.
  6. I live in a bubble and will share said bubble with you in the case of a deadly plague.
  7. I own one of those really expensive underground bunkers.
  8. I suppose I’d sleep with you if we were the last two people on Earth and it was the only way to save the human race, but I’d probably keep my eyes closed.
  9. I’ll use the end of the world as a great excuse to try and get laid. Have I told you how hot you are?
  10.  I’m a huge redneck and will use my many illegally purchased weapons to protect you.
  11. I’m saintly. So I’ll put in a good word for your soul when the Apocalypse comes.
  12. I realize the Mayan calendar panic is ridiculous, but hey, want to go out on Valentine’s Day?

Best of luck!

Caitlin